Fanatic Dreams

i'm ready to enter your heart..

2009-02-21T16:18:00.008+08:00

This week, a lot of things happen. by now, i shld be studying for my exams 2 days lata. But somehow, i just can't absorb anything. so i decided to blog before i continue studying. there's so much i wanna say yet i can't find any words to describe them.

Ever since me and bao got together, I really wish i've already graduated from school. I realise thats becoz sch keeps me away from him, making us quite far apart. therefore, i always wish for holidays to be longer and will look forward to the next holiday anxiously. Yesterday, we talked on the phone, nearly quarrelled again. i dunno why i lost control of my life ever since i met him. sometimes, to the extend where i will go nuts. haha..

Still, exams are round the corner. shall control myself for 1 more week b4 i really go nuts with my holidays. I really wish our distance will not be so far apart. And yesterday on phone, he said a lot of things to me. Maybe is coz he drank a lot of beer so he started to talk a lot, and he kept repeating the same things over and over again. I dunno if he realise it. But this is the first time i hear wad his heart says. Such miserable and lonely. That's 2 words i can describe. While hearing, my heart talks too. Just that he can't hear, coz i din say out. All the while, to him, I'm keeping quiet by just replying "oh". But i nv once kept quiet in my heart. This is what my heart has to say:

怎么听了这些话，心会那么痛呢？原本以为，只是听你诉苦而已。但是，听到你前女友的时候，听到你把所有的照片收在一个信封的时候，怎么会那么痛？我知道一切都是回忆，一切都是过去。但是，还记得我是怎么扔掉我所有过去和回忆的吗？你还叫我删掉我和前男友拍过的照片。这些都是点点滴滴的回忆，我都做到了。没有一点痕迹。但是，当你跟我说这一切的时候，我的心在哭，你听到了吗？对不起，但是，不只有心在哭，因为我也忍不住掉眼泪了。我骗你说我没有。但是，我怎能不痛呢？

无论多痛，我都很想听你内心最真实的感觉。
不管有多痛，我都会为了你忍。
不管有没有掉泪，我都会在你身边听你诉苦。
我想你应该明白我为你做这些事的原因吧。
不是因为我不怕痛。我很怕。
不是因为我要找事跟你吵。我不想。
我不敢告诉你我在痛，是因为我怕听不见真正的你。
我不敢告诉你我在哭，是因为我不想你跟我一样痛。
我只是想了解你多一点点，听听你的心声，
做你的耳朵，帮你承担一点点你的心情。

我也知道，你的心谁也走不进。但是我想试试看。我不知道你跟我在一起，有没有曾经得到真正的快乐。我很努力了。有时真的好累，但是我真的不想放弃。昨晚，听你说了那些话，我才真的领悟到，你比我想象中寂寞多了。而我，也许，比你想象中，更加孤单。没有人知道我所经历过的事。我可以试着听你，了解你。不管我有多痛，我都能静静的哭，试着不让你察觉。你呢？有试着了解我吗？你知道我所后悔的事吗？知道我受了多少的委屈吗？而你又知道，我又多么恨自己来到这世界上吗？始终，你无法了解我。因为，你从不冷静的听我说完。到了一半，你都会喊停。因为，你感受到我所感受到的痛。你曾说，你得不到真正的快乐。你知道为什么吗？因为，心痛比快乐更真实。我们都忽略了快乐时光，只留下心痛和不开心的感觉。而你，有很多时候，也忽略了我的感受。我试着很多时候喊痛。有时喊不出，就像昨晚，什么都不说，默默的哭着，听你的心哭着。有时喊了，又急着说抱歉。好像要求多一点体贴都是我不对。而我，却知道时间能证明一切。只是，不知道时间一到，我还在不在。

没有人真正了解你，

那，

谁又真正的了解我呢？

你又有问自己这个问题吗？

There's more to what i've got to say. Just that I dunno how to express that very deep feeling inside me. That agony, that pain..it's undescribable de la..=)

when will you be there for me?

2009-02-09T21:58:00.005+08:00

When I'm down, I thought you will be there for me. But i made a mistake. You were not..

When I'm afraid, I thought you will protect me. But still, you made me more afraid..

When I feel cold, I knew you would hug me. Yes, indeed at times.

When I'm in pain, I thought you will care for me. I was wrong. Maybe you did?or is it just me that don't feel it?

You said your logics. I said mine. Both were wrong. Couples should share and take care of each other. That's what my dad says. Even when we grow old to be old man and old lady, we still have each other.

You said we both live in different world. But no, we live on the same world called EARTH. You said we were on different channels and could not communicate well. But how many channels are there? I just wanna try to switch every channel and see which best suits you and me. I just wanna communicate well with someone important to me.

Health, be it healthy or unhealthy. Emotions, be it sad,angry or happy. Love, be it sweet,sour or bitter. These are just a part of human life. I love the way you call me, the way you talk to me. I hate the way you scold me, the way you sometimes blamed me. For you are important, the way you express yourself affects me.

You showed me what LOVE is

Yet how scary HATRED can be

For LOVE and HATRED, draws a line in between

We can be romantic. Maybe at times we are. I learn to change for you. You changed for me too. But did you ever realise how much i cared for you? sometimes, maybe most of the time, deep in my heart, I know where i went wrong. But many times, i dare not admit, yet i choose to run away from it. If 1 day, miracles would appear, that will be the day when we need not argue anymore.

sigh

2009-02-07T13:36:00.007+08:00

This week, I'll post up a chinese post. It might be REALLY LONG, so it's ok for those who are lazy to read..=) it's just a journal.

当一个人完全失望的时候，她将会放弃一切，包括一直在欺骗自己的那颗心。不明白的一切，都会变得很明亮。她会一直想，到头来，自己得到的又是什么呢？应该只有失望吧。

你们知道为什么演戏的人叫做演员吗？因为，他们不管心情好或坏，都能收藏自己的情绪，欺骗观众，演出惊天动人的戏。那人呢，真的很奇怪明明很多时候眼前所看到的并不是真实的，也明明心里很清楚。但是，还是决定把那场戏当真。一直到最后，自己拿到足够的证据，才来失望。

一次又一次的让步，一次又一次的失望。结果，还不是一切落空，一切放弃，回到原点？心都碎了，才来放弃。真的是笨蛋！

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

不久前，有一个“她”放开手的故事，中间的内容是这样的：

当她放弃的时候，当她决定松手的时候，她对那男孩说了一个她从来不想说的话。但是，为了自己，为了男孩，她说:
“我只要你开心，我知道逼你到这么紧，逼你这样做，也许就对你而言是不可能的任务。我一直以来都很清楚的，但是也一直以来都在像个白痴一样的欺骗自己。因为在内心的深处，我知道的。我无法再让你做一些我明白是对你不可能的任务。所以，我选择为你做一点可能的任务。那就是“放手”。这是我对你做出最大的后退步了。因为一直以来，欺骗自己的感觉真的不好受。谢谢你一直这么努力的配合我，让我演完这场戏不让我伤心。从此，不需要再演了。戏演完了，心也已松了一口气。”

以上的内容，是她对男孩说的话。但是，有一点没说完，还不算完整。其实，她想在最后的一句话加上：

“但是，现在的心，比当时痛了两倍。。每一次你演得不好，被我逮到了，我的心就多痛了几下。因为，我仍然发现我还在拼命的骗自己。但是还需要你配合我演到我真的放弃。我真得好痛苦，好辛苦。你知道吗？感觉得到吗？”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

虽然放手了，但是，她还真得希望有一天，奇迹能出现。希望男孩会对她好一点，不再欺骗她演戏，所做出的事都能让她信任。她真得好盼望那一天的来临，那个再也不需要欺骗自己演戏的一天。

that's the end of my story..=)

tired

2009-01-22T10:27:00.001+08:00

tired..

disappointed..

4th month and valentines is coming..

sigh..

my dream or my love?

2009-01-15T21:14:00.010+08:00

I've discussed with my parents about my Japan study trip already. They kind of accepted the idea of mine. But i've got to start to learn how to take care of myself from now onwards till the day i leave for Japan. 2 years from now, i shall start my new life..but there's something there pushing me back from pursuing this goal of mine..and i guess you guys know it well..

*-My LOVE or My DREAMS?-*

well, today Yansheng said something which i think a lot.."what about ah bao?" hmms..tough question u know..actually, though i say i do not wish to let him wait,ask him carry on stay in singapore find a good gal and just marry, but my heart aches..i seriously feel like asking him to go with me..but how can i be so selfish? den yansheng said, "If i were you, i wouldn't give up my love for my dream."

Why??Just because i am a gal?I shouldn't let my future husband carry that burden to support me my whole life. I wan to plan for my future. Therefore dreams are important to me also. Not everyone will be interested in the stuffs I'm interested in. Since I'm interested in something that may lead to my bright future, why not? But still, both love and dreams are really important to me. it's like asking you a question, "if ur dad and mum fall into the sea, which would you save?"

what should i do now? =(

will he wait?i doubt so..It's 6 years..not 6 days nor 6 months.

will he come with me?i doubt so too.

who will be such a stupid fool to start their life anew in a country that they have no clue of?(exclud. me)

who will be willing to sacrifies for some1 they love?It's tough.

6 years is long. but these 6 years, i will become strong. i will have much more knowledge that surpass most people. so..what should i do?

~*LOVE.....or.....DREAM?*~

this is gonna be fun

2009-01-13T16:00:00.003+08:00

yay~!

guess what? I'm getting excited to my 21st yr old..but why? BECAUSE, i wanna go abroad to Japan to pursue further studies..I've got to plan for my future now. and thats because, I'm 19 this yr..not much time left to waste. Basically, i've to spend 6 yrs or more in Japan. Thats a really long time. By the time, I'm already 27 or 28. old woman..haha!

you see, I'm really interested in japan for the following reasons which seems to impress every1:

I wanna learn bout Japan's cultural
I wanna learn bout how they live
To learn bout their politics
To learn bout their perception on quality

And, i wanna start my life from scratch..From young, i always depended on others to live. I know nothing on my own. Admissions for schools, i always failed to participate. I always let my parents helped me to sign up coz i was too lazy. I do not wish my life to be a failure. If I do not learn independant and live in pressure, i will never grow. I will never be able to work in the competitive environment be it Singapore or Japan. I will never know how hard life is out there and how hard is it to be on your own to save money when you have nothing but just education. People tell me it'll be tough, i will cry just the 1st day i enter Japan. I know i will..but if i don't fight for my future, who will?right?=)

2 years to study in japanese language sch, 4 years to study in Univeristy. when i come back singapore, u'll see me standing strong. i will achieve 3 certificate(i hope)..and i will make my parents as well as all of you, proud of me..I felt the need to stand alone. I have good friends in Japan, not to worry. I believe after i enter japan, we'll be even better friends..haha!

6 years is a long time..but is not forever..it's just a part of my life investment.

sorry my dear,
but dreams only come once
i know you will not
accompany me
but thx for your words
i felt relieved
coz i felt ur love ♥

a new start

2009-01-04T16:37:00.003+08:00

And, here it is! a new year, a new start for every1..doesn't it feels great to start anew with every bad things put behind you? chinese new year is coming as well, wonder how much money every1 will receive in this new year.=D

Like usual, life still carries on. Tml is the day where year 2 semester 2 starts. Hope things goes well for every single one of us. I love the way my life is now. Although in the holidays, a lot of things happened, but still, manage to get through the thick and thin. Tml is the day where bf's sis get married..I wish that she will feel happy and blissed throughout her whole life till the end of time. Tml is also the day where i need to buck up on my studies.

Alright, time to go. Bibi coming to fetch me to orchard. Bless you guys to be happy always. Now, lets look forward to the next 2 months holiday. =D thats the power to keep us walking. hahahaha!

-with love-
-signing off-

i love you,

and it never change

2008-12-07T22:47:00.004+08:00

sigh..i totally have no mood to study..a lot of troubles recently..=(

anyway, sometyms, i feel myself being insulted so badly that i have no way of facing myself or him..sigh..trust..where is it?? =(

WHY he don't understand me?!! A small matter that i don't put it to heart and accidentally confused them together can also be said as I LIED!!! what is wrong?? !I need counselling i guess..I nearly gave up everything..i nealy lost hope in life..

but..i shall be strong..NOT a single tear will fall off my cheeks..this time, problems that comes, obstacles that block my way, i shall manage it. I will learn to grow, to face things myself. I will mend my injuries myself. The next time u see me, I'll be different.

I PROMISE...

I'll show it to you,

i can prove to u,

i will NOT backout!

thanks sis.

2008-12-04T21:16:00.007+08:00

here's another short entry for today. 2nd entry of the day. A week and 1 day back, i helped my jie to write chinese words and she like so happi..haha..so cute..anyway, i screen shot from her blog my CREDITS. hahaha..here's it:

haha..in case you guys cannot see, here's wad written:

"p.s: credits to xiao mei for the chinese characters. she went to my account to help me without any complaints. happy that you've found the guy that can make you feel blissed. stay that way okay? =)"

haha..thanks sis. =) i won't complain de la aiyo..more den willing to help u..anyway, thanks jie, i really wanna stay that way with that guy.=) hope u and jakin will stay happy always also..hope he will make u feel very 幸福 =）good luck. really thanks for your blessings though u nv write la..haha..=D

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

stupid day

2008-12-04T14:21:00.010+08:00

♥~~~Love entry~~~♥

At bugis with bibi,sis and jie-fu

sigh..why do ppl like to comment on others love life when they don't have a love yet? why do ppl take it to heart when every1 is just out to find their true love?why izzit that ppl criticize others just because of jealousy?

well, sometyms, i really take words to heart easily, no matter what you say bout my love. Everytym, coz of others, i break with my bf. Everytym, coz of what others think i give up on a love so real.

"Gal, can you be more sensible?"
"Gal, can you not heed what others say?"
"Gal, can you have a thinking on your own?"

and this tym, i decided. No matter what others say, no matter whether you say we cannot last long, no matter you say he's no good, so what? You do not know him well, you did not even see him before. This time, for him, for me, i shall have my own thinking for the first time, even if i regret in the future, at least i did not listen to what people say that breaks the relationship up. Never gonna be like the past. Say what you want, say what you think will make you happy. Even by all means to disgrace me, to disgrace my love, i shall not care..

The picture he drew for me.

The keychain i made for him(according to drawing above)

Love is tough, hard to maintain. And not everything that we did together, the days and date will be remembered. All i remember is i really love him. As long as there is love, there is hope.

Love is mysterious, and in love, distance and time are never obstacles. In love, a couple can be together for decades and yet if their love isn't strong enough, a light conflict could break them apart easily.
Now, for reflections of the past, regarding my ex-bf(shall not mention name). Remember how we broke up? i dunno if u're reading this entry. But because we have too many conflicts that the love turn sour. Guess it just isn't strong enough. sometyms, when i think back, i keep asking myself is it "we're not suited?", "we've gone too fast?", "our temper clashes?", "i don't feel comfortable with you?" or the most typical one which many avoids at all tym "i've long lose feelings.." Can you tell me? how can i actually be fair when the love is weak?sorry..

But, in the opposite side, a couple can be together for just days, but if their love for each other is very deep, nothing in the world can break them apart. Likewise, in this relationship, i dowan anyone and anything to break us apart. Not that I'm afraid you'll succeed in it. I just dowan you to waste your effort. =) I love the way I am now. And honestly, ever since Justin, he's another guy that humours and entertain me with no other conditions just to make me happy. I believe he'll be better, stronger and without any terms and conditions attached, i want him to be happy and healthy. ^^

thinking back those days,

how i wish i met him earlier.

busy lei T__T

2008-11-23T16:56:00.002+08:00

recently no time to update..sorry =( very very busy..nxt week onwards will be critical liao..so many test and projects coming up. sigh!

i wish the 3 weeks holiday faster come larhs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sian..my eyes are rotting..=(

I can't wait to finish all my tasks

before i can see you again

lovelove sweet sweet love~!

2008-11-16T23:15:00.008+08:00

haha..back! it's been a week..and guess what?i went St James ytd!!hahaha..so happi..though i told bibi say i not happi..i happi not coz i 1st tym go or wad lehs..is coz he so protective of me..hahaha..wonder y he can drink so much without getting drunk =.=

anyway..a question to ask every1 reading this blog.."imagine you got a bf/gf, what is the THING to make them feel secure?what you will do so that they feel ur LOVE?" hahahaha..tough question eh..think den tell me in rl or tag me or just msn me =D THANK YOU!!!

^^ I'm feeling so so so happy now despite it's already 11.18pm.. i found a website that contains so sweet stuffs..haha..happily reading it. and tml is monday..sian arhs!!!

LAST but not LEAST, I wan go sleep le..LOL..good nite! here's the photos for ytd..=D

With Wu Zhong Xian

hahaha..that pink rose he stole

Outside St James with bibi

Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away;

and all the things I want to say can find no voice.

Then, in silence,

I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart.

2008-11-10T12:19:00.002+08:00

yawns..monday monday monday monday monday monday monday monday monday monday monday monday monday monday monday monday..=.=

sian today so early wake up..after dad wake me up and get out of my room, i close my eyes again and my hp rang..after hearing bibi voice, i started to feel happy..haha..after that i got up..i thot he working until this morning 8am..thats y i nv think a lot and woke up..den when i got up, i tink again and remembered he nv work until tonight 8pm lei..=.= den i quickly call him back ask how come he so early wake up or izzit nv slp..aiyooo..must tc lei..slp more..

now WAD is super super sian..but it's 0k..i got my music, got some1 to think of..=x but i will jy in this semester module de..every1 must jy oso..lets all get through this semester and proceed on to year 3 =D

this whole week will be soo soo busy..so many meetings,likewise,so many projects..x_X ok la..stop here..nid hear teacher talk..=D

to be continued....

we r a big family

2008-11-07T13:16:00.007+08:00

This week post i might wanna clarify some things that might have a misunderstanding. Nowadays, things don't go well. So might as well take this chance to confess things. Pardon me, this might be a really long post.

Firstly, I'll start from my class. From the start of year 1, remember how we come along all the way until the friends that we are now? T1F2, T2F2..nxt year we'll be T3F2. Thats when we say goodbye. But we weren't easy before we come all the way here.. let's recap:

Year 1 Semester 1: 1st day of school, we came to class, and benji was the first friend i got to know. After that, I knew louis, then aaron, follow by wei kiat, perng jie and alvin. We went for breaks together and for 1 whole semester, we stick together. like a family. then, our class have 2 "divisions".. the other one consist of: ron, xueli, desmond, chris, ada, cao yang, shisheng, viknesh and yansheng. I remembered, the 2 "divisions" were like strangers. until 1 day.. when we were walking on the opp lane from the other group of frens, we suddenly talk to them. and it started that way. haha..

Year 1 Semester 2: every1 became closer and closer each day. and from there, we became not 2 "divisions". we should rather use the word, "Ohana". "Ohana" means family. Family means no one get left out or forgotten. we are really like a big family. we took care of each other. though sometimes there are some gossips here and there, but thats the thing that made us closer each day, and makes the days fun. Though sometyms there're misunderstandings, but it gets resolve rather quickly. And at that point, scandals started.

Year 2 Semester 1: this semester had modules that were quite tough. We had really smart people and helpful people in the class. So getting through was not much of a problem. But this semester, we're actually really concern bout some1 that actually did not come to school that often and went to work everyday or really frequently just to buy his bike. I would say, we're all concern 'bout whether he could get through. Afterall, we're together as a class and we should leave NP as a class too. remember? we're family.. we really have no wish to see any1 retaining in NP. Though this semester, 3 person were left out to take the module again, but dun forget, we're here for you guys..=) must jiayous kaes..

Year 2 Semester 2: Some misunderstanding arises. Scandals remains. But as semester just started, misunderstanding should not occur. Remember how happy we were for the past 1 year plus? Remember how long and hard we took until we were this close? I wanna acknowledge that every single one of us have a part in this class. every1 of us has our own roles to play in this class. no1 gets left out. I'm really happy i get to know every single one of you. ^^

Things changes for the better, my life did too. I've got almost everything in life, so do you people(not talking 'bout the "wants" that you're missing in ur life). Treasure before they're gone.

----------------------------------------------------

And for me, I found him..... I should treasure, and be in my best. Should stop being wildful, be understanding. This is something I've been keeping from most people. It's a little unfair. but since now I'm prepared to tell, since i've the courage to tell now, and i dun care if any consequences happens, I'm willing to face it. Hope you guys will be happy for me. But I dun care if any of you have any negative thinking. Coz I know, only those that dun regard me as their friend will think I'll not have any happiness. =)

afraid

2008-11-04T15:24:00.005+08:00

Is this mood swing or is it pure emotions? i somehow feel very happy one moment and very sad and afraid the next. It's like i feel so happy coz i already have everything and i should be happy with my life. But when i think of something else that bothers me (*secret*), i became stress up,irritated,afraid,sad as well as a little of anger. what am i thinking?!

I should be happy with my life now! really..sigh! YOU should stop all these thinking right now!!(*talking to myself*)

----------------------------------------------

It's raining heavily right now..and it's the season of *missing* =(

love love

2008-11-03T12:09:00.003+08:00

now attending WAD lesson..sigh! sian~

anyway, i dunno y recently very happy lei! hahaha..and once i think that this wed and fri gonna have more events, it got me even more excited!hahaha..

anyway, today papa come back from Japan le!! dunno wad souveniers he would get me..^^ and today, i made a very smart decision by asking bibi to fetch me and my mum to airport to fetch papa..wahahaha..after fetch le we will go makan together..cool rite! lalala..I'm so smart ^^

depressed

2008-10-31T12:43:00.005+08:00

I was just wondering, do people cry for nothing?or izzit becoz there is something stuck deep inside that makes the emotion awaken?do actor and actress cry coz they're forced to or izzit theres something behind that triggers the emotion? tears are not fake, they are droplets that are either filled with sadness,anger or many other confused emotions.

anyway, i decided to do 1 thing at a time. May the lord bless me with strength to carry on. things will sure be over soon..

projects really sux big time..='(

p/s. thanks for letting me pour out all the stress in me. thanks for sharing ur warmth

pls dun doubt me..

2008-10-30T00:44:00.002+08:00

Recently, a lot things happened. and i really get really upset when people doubt me..sigh..though i know why..but i really hope to be trusted..

and..another thing..

how much longer is the projects going to last?!!! I'm going insane very soon, and i mean it! rah~~!! 9 more chapters for project management, lots more for Web Application Design, 1 more for I&E and following the events and activities i need to research on, BIS projects, DEC topics to cover..omg..when will i ever complete all these?? *faints*

I'm really dam stress up i wanna take a breath oso so hard. *cries* gonna breakdown any moment throughout the 4 months..i hope things will be fine soon =(

3 more days to go =)

i feel xing fu~

2008-10-28T10:00:00.004+08:00

Wow..i really dunch feel like coming school today de lo..today papa go Japan le..=( I'll miss him ne!! but lucky 1 week nia..nid be guai guai stay at home pei mama, she will be sooo lonely..hmms..and guess wad?

My dad buy new car ytd le!!

The "All-new Toyota Corolla Altis"!!

wakakaka..nice nice?but the colour is grayish blue..a very unique and splendid blend of colour..anyway,really had a fun time ytd..went to see the beautiful scenery on top of the hill, though it's only a short while..it contains memories there..but i'm really glad i can be there again, a brand new memory..=)

shag

2008-10-21T13:09:00.003+08:00

tuesday is always the worst day for this semester..not having a good mood ever since ytd..but still have to appear happi..=) thats the best way to cure sadness..

and..i really detest sms..it always sends a wrong message we trying to convey. the tone isn't meant to sound harsh..but it actually is being seen and read as HARSH by the other person..sigh!

friendship of love

2008-10-19T13:42:00.004+08:00

hmms..was browsing through friendster and while surfing, i was thinking how come people like to stalk so close behind. it's like they wanna know what "wrong" things you did behind..but what for? I'm not pointing at any1..but I know some people simply are so concern they stalk me every few days in a week..^^

hmms..i was posting a comment for other ppl while I saw something very meaningful which i would like to share..Here's the quote:

"A ball is a circle, no begginning, no ending. It keeps us together like our circle of friends. But the treasure inside for you to see is the treasure of friendship you've granted me."

This sentence sounds wonderful isn't it?haha..So, i hereby thanks all my surrounding friends, be it close frens or just ordinary hi-bye frens that I treasure our affinity to meet in this world. I treasure you to be a part of my life =) no matter how long we've walk down the road, frens always remember each others face and memories spent together..haha

**************

ok..AND!! this is not call emotional..is called CREDITS ok..=D i hope every single one of you that reads this agrees..anyway, I'm excited coz later I'm going to best denki to get that oven to bake my cookies..no nid to run all the way down to grandma hse to borrow theirs already ^^

`**thats all folks**`

wakakaka xD

2008-10-18T22:54:00.008+08:00

I'm happy today..not cos i did many meaningful things..like usual,i went crazy today..but today "feel" somehow different from normal..and I seriously dunno why I was that high..haas..

I've just gotten home,got a bathe and did some manicure and padicure..though not very successful..haas..I've receive a bouquet of flowers and it's really beautiful =) haha..tada~

Me holding the flower xD

Close up view

Red rose

Pink rose

Purple and white flowers

thats all the candid shots by WATASHI ! =D

U're being loved by me =D

I'm sick =(

2008-10-14T22:13:00.006+08:00

AND..............

***********

I'm sick once again!!! T_T

tml is the start of IS Entrepreneur FIRST LESSON! wakakaka..i dunno will it be fun..i dunno will every1 be able to work out fine..but ganbatte kudasai!! feeling so uncomfortable.. why did this sickness come at the wrong time?!!! sigh..

heex..happi =)

2008-10-12T21:15:00.010+08:00

waaa..so long nv blog liaos..=( coz realli very lazy and busy ma..haha..lots of things happened recently..good,bad,average..all kind lars..and today,I'm totally not concentrating on everything that I do..I f***ing hate this day..AHH!

But oh well,tml is the new start of year 2 semester 2..=) should remain all happy right? tml is the day when i can enjoy myself to the fullest with all my frens..anyway,we've alrdy been together as a big family for 1 year plus going to 2 years le..hooray! ^^

and..this yr,my IS module rox..=D entreprenuer..guess wad!!I'm in the same class as 6 of my classmates siol!!haha..gonna have a fun time selling things and playing..wakakaka..lets update some photos ya!

me and bao

Look alike?=x

The advertisement brochure finally out le =)

Me and pretty gal Li Xuan =D

Me and pretty mummy =D

Me and Li Xuan again =D

Holidays are finally over..time for serious studying..=) Looking forward to the next 2 months holiday =x HAHAHA..Again, happy and sad time are over..but may i wish that Happiness will always come to me and my surrounding ppl,and sadness,leave us alone,stay far away from us =D

我拥有了全世界

Nightmare scares

2008-09-19T19:15:00.011+08:00

Hi there,

It's been a long time since i updated this blog. It's already about to fill itself with fungi x_X. Lots of things,lots of troubles recently happened. Well, it's true i've kept everything to myself for a long time because i dunno how to say it out of my mouth. sigh.

things are more hactic nowadays,everyday is filled with events, as well as troubles dat can't be spoken off. I had nightmare at night. I dreamt that they were coming after me. I felt the pressure, and..recently,

I'm not happy at all. I din laugh for a long time already =[

hmms..enough of those..lets say something more happi de ba =) and that is..I BOUGHT A NEW PHONE!!haha..but there're lots of problems though =( but it's ok..here goes~~~~~~~

chio?haha~
Presenting, Nokia series N78!!^^

oh..and I'm sick once again..talk too much until my throat tear..dang..now i've bad flu,sore throat and cough..I'm feeling so uncomfortable..T__T poor me..hahas..dun feel like talking to anyone now,so dun call me or find me..i won't talk..haha..I'm currently in the process of tosing medicines in my mouth.hope i can recover soon =( so now,i'm going to bed every few hours like a pig omg -.- kk..i tink my medicine is taking effect soon, so..

thats all folks! =) have a nice day
p.s did u guys realise anything different bout this post?

tiring sigh

2008-09-06T22:29:00.005+08:00

today like usual,1 of the busiest day in the past 4 days..basically,coz today is a saturday..perhaps tml will be even worst..and this isnt a good day either =( a lot of things happen sigh.. stress!!

i extend my working period for 1 hour so i get an additional hourly pay. but i have to stand for like 7 hours without rest today..so when i sit down in the car, my leg's really like breaking..-.- but i sold many many safety deposit box today which was gd..just that i had some mistakes which makes today a bad day =(

there're SO many people today and i went to textile department to see the bedsheets that my mum ask me to get 1 and keep for my bro..and guess wadd..aunties are REALLY scary..my colleques havent even put down the comforter bedsheets on the floor,they already self service!!but not use take de lorhs..is VERY kua zhang de snatch way lo!! i see le i stun..=.=" less den 1 min everything gone.. heng I no nid use snatch de..i just tell my fren what i wan they help me take..haha..=x otherwise i tink super malu if i were there to join the aunties..lol

anyway,tml is the last day to see the customer's nasty face..thats gd =) but monday sigh..packing everything back to it's original place..omg..prepare a coffin for me ty =/ anyway,these few days i'm so tired...thus..

good nite =]

Mon will come in a blink of eye =)

Wed will come w/o notice

Thurs will be the finest day ever ^^

chiong arhs!

2008-09-05T22:41:00.003+08:00

Ahh!!! school holidays ae not that slacky as it seems to me..well,perhaps not the tym to be slacky for me.. got to work!! realli desperate for money..ok..this is not called "money-face", it's called "in-need of money".

sobs..but now i'm in a pathetic shape..shucks..i did tough job and it's been like the 4th day,going the 5th day already..within 1 day, i will get at least 6 cuts and many scratches on my 1 hand =.= and now,it's like 40+ cuts & scratches already T__T disfigured hand..

but wad to do? bo bian wadd..who ask me so in need of money..carry shit oso nid to do larhs~ and this job is CHEAP LABOUR!! 1 hour 5bucks..somemore is nid carry so many things and stand for 9hours!!and i'm a bit surprised that i can actually push so many heavy things and 82kg of safety deposite box..lol..anyway,i cant wait to end this job!!monday is the most critical one..and that is......

To pack everything back =.=

You know how much work is needed for that?and how much sweat and blood you can actually lost? this salary that i earn is literally my "blood-sweat-money"(血汗钱）*crys* alright...i swear i wont do cheap labour anymore..it's not worth at all!! though i realli made lots of new and interesting bunch of frens there..keke

kk..gotta go..tml nid wake up at 6am to go to work..sigh..MORAL OF STORY: work so hard,get back so little (*shucks*) =/ but it's ok..for the sake of my happiness and the other party happiness, i will JY!

3more days to see u

5 more days to spend the time wif u

6 more days to my happi day

I'm back

2008-08-30T16:41:00.002+08:00

=) tadaima!! I'm back home safe and sound..haha! anyway, had a realli fun and great time in hong kong. bought lots and lots of stuffs and some souveneirs..^^ my aunt buy 5 times more things den me. a bit kua zhang lo.. everything to her like free one liddat norhs..she spend like SGD 2000 still not enough sia..lol..anyway, glad to be back.

when i fly back to spore, supposedly in aeroplane, we are not suppose to on our hp until we step out of the aeroplane rite? but I din listen, so i on during the flight when we reaching singapore. And there I go.. sms starts flooding in..but..

It made me smile. It made me have that happiness feeling of some1 there for me =)

and..

I miss you so much..=) (now i say in blog, so u noe how sincere le ba ^^)

dinner was good at hong kong..went to some restaurants and spend few hundreds SGD for dinner and somemore is 3 days..during the last day, we went for high tea..similarly,few hundreds were spent..haha..can u imagine how gd the food were? =x

furthermore,thruout the 5 days, i took many many photos..haha..will post them if i can get my hands on the cameras..hahas..so pls await ok?=)

p.s. my birthday is coming and i can't wait to see you guys..miss you guys a lot too..=)

hong kong =(

2008-08-22T22:46:00.002+08:00

A short post b4 i leave for hong kong..the tym now is 11pm..so..

4 hours more to wake up to get rdy, but i still not tired..-.- how?
6hours more to reach the airport..♥he'll be there waiting♥
7 hour 40 mins b4 i takeoff..sianz..

so..wish myself bon voyage..tml morning nid wake up and get rdy the rest of the things..sigh..and heard that hong kong now got typhoon..so pray for my safety ok?dunno if tml's flight will be delayed. But if i nv come back de hua means...........um..(you noe wad it means).

sayounara!

♥wait for me to return♥

finally!!

2008-08-21T21:15:00.002+08:00

oh gosh..I'm suppose to study now and yet I'm blogging away..anyway..just a quick post:

tml is the last paper of year 2 semester 1 and there we go, our 7 week holiday..woohoo!!oh ya..going to orchard right after school to get some accessories and perhaps wear them to hong kong..=D

anyway,for those of you that dunno,I'm going hong kong on sat..whee..might get some souveniers for you guys, but maybe just some small gifts la..coz i gt my budget T__T

okok..thats all..will take lots of pics in hong kong de ^^ and after hong kong come back,i straight away find job to start immediately le..any lobang must intro arhs..thx thx..

I'll miss you =(

busy me..T.T

2008-08-14T19:15:00.002+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates for sooo long..=(

been very busy nowadays..lots of school thingy going on,lots of tiring days..hope every1 is also busy preparing for the coming exams which is like in less den 1 week time..omg..x_X

alright..c ya..will post again after i return from hong kong, or when I'm free..miss you guys..ganbatte kudasai ne!

♥I will try my best♥

♥For the love♥

♥That belongs to us♥

7th month come liao~ahh~

2008-08-01T13:29:00.004+08:00

boo~~~~~

Finally the "long-awaited" 7th month come le..I think hor, the "hungry ghost festival" this name a bit not right lei..it's like festivals are meant to be happy de lei, but y like everyone so afraid ne? but again hor..festival is suppose to be celebrated de correct? but i was wondering.. got what good to celebrate de?only pray that wish that the "brothers and sisters" eat full full and stuffs marhs..haiyo..

I intend to slp in my parent's room for 1 whole month..=x it's like this year it comes without any1 remembering lo..ok..is most people din remember for this year?why? because every1 too bz liao..but i shall be the odd one that is afraid while getting bz..=x special a bit..^^

and everyday,b4 10pm i will off my comp and go to bed b4 11.30 =x today got ice skate..i hope i will not reach home at 12 plus..coz everytime will walk pass the swimming pool..skali saw a red/green figure swimming den i will tell myself "die liao lo? sure is see wrong la..^^"

kk, lata going ice skate hope will happi..7th month always very sway de..everyone must becareful arhs..kiotsukete!

MoNey NoT eNouGh 2

2008-07-31T09:33:00.005+08:00

=) finally got more interesting things le..=D

actually today got test de..yesterday was also suppose to study but in the end, decided t0 go watch movie, though i afraid today test will flunk. but ytd was really fun..=)

AND!!and....钱不够用2 is really dam nice!! IT IS A MUST TO WATCH!! the story line is really fantastic, very touching, though the story no link with the title la..only a bit link nia lo..but when the show start,every1 started laughing le..when the show about to end, every1 started sobbing..i really can't control my tears..i heard tissue packets opening..and..bendan oso teared..LOL =x I din wanted make it too obvious that i crying, so i just let the tear flow..xD the NG was dam funny oso..OVERALL: 5 STAR!!

anyway after watching, we went to eat..i din noe where to eat, so ask bendan choose..liddis oso good to push to me to choose where to eat..haiyo..the whole day y keep pushing here and there lei?tsk tsk..=x On the bus was fun too..at least not so boring =) but guess what? in the end when i go home, i study a bit, i thought drinking essence of chicken would help me to stay awake..How I know when i go back to study, i write the first line of maths, den i fell aslp..=.=

boo~hope today will get thru the paper..May God Bless me..=D

2008-07-29T12:27:00.002+08:00

Sorry for not blogging for so long, recently, life is so normal until everything seems to be passing by so slowly x_X

I read typicalben's blog. He's really such a joker..haha. But his posts are really interesting. So you guys might just wanna pop by to see. =D (he was advertising for dove xD)

Exams are coming already ya?and I havent even started studying. If anyone got any jobs lobang for september 1st onwards, must intro k? =x I go busy busy liao..ja-ne

-loves-
-Emm-

what the fuck?

2008-07-23T21:42:00.015+08:00

2 words to describe today.."Fucked up"

People also have their own limits and feelings. So if anyone out there dunno this, kindly go bang your head 3 times against the wall and maybe you'll realise..=) and I just don't understand why are people so childish at times. tsk tsk. And some people really do have the cheek to show that stupid face after humiliating others. Thick skin or what?

Why am I that angry? Why is my heart burning totally and feel like just pushing him down of the building or even slap him? It's been so long since I had this much anger in me. I think he should just go and die right? =] Earth will be more peaceful. Including my life perhaps. I really had enough when i turn serious and when i reach my limits, you know what possible things will be coming out from my mouth. So watch your mouth, don't shoot what you would like to, because, when my brain shouts "ENOUGH" to me. It's when i will go crazy.^^

Sorry for any uncivilised words and attitude used, but I'll try to control next time..=]

Oh ya, btw, my pms come le, so do not try to provoke me. And for those who dunno wad is pms, it stands for "Pre-Menstrual Syndrome". I have not yet "lai ang". It's just some kind of pre-symptom where girls get whatsoeva crappy mood swings and feel frustrated over the slightest thing we wouldnt have been normally. In summary, we're just not being our self. Alright?

Thats all for today..

2008-07-20T23:03:00.003+08:00
What a day..It's fine in the morning, but i woke up like earlier den usual..damn..coz my mum say she wanna go OG for the last day of GREAT SINGAPORE SALES!!argh!!typical singaporean..i was somehow excited though coz thought i could buy some clothes.. but who knows, when we reached OG, the aircon breakdown!!! We're like in a sauna. It totally ruin my mood to shop.

When i went home, another thing happen..Friends problems..I dunno if you would read my blog, but i just wanted to let you know i really do care. I dowan you to treat my care like what a fren will think his/her fren MUST do. if you're not my fren, i wouldn't even bother saying I will accompany you to the hospital. I was purposely saying that you were treating my care like some shit talks, and that how you rather wish to die.. but tts because i really cant stand you talking like that. please understand. I dun wish to lose a fren in this world. I know you're afraid..but you still have me you know..

tomorrow after sch going to orchard with tuition teacher..hope to relax myself. but I know i wont..coz its a place where he works..my heart will feel a tinge..but oh well..=) 1 more month to exams, 1 more month to hong kong, and 1 more month plus to find a job to earn money..=) I've been dreaming of spending way too much money..but too bad, my pocket is empty..sigh

Shld I be happy?

2008-07-19T22:00:00.000+08:00

Well..here goes for the things happen recently since the last time I blogged..hmms..yesterday I went out with my ex..wanted to watch either [Don't mess with Zohan] or [10 promises to my dog].. but well, it happens that all the show available is all the action pack, so bo bian lo..haha..caught the 8.30pm show. So sorry guy..u live at harbour front there, make you all the way from cck all the way back to vivo there..LOL..=x bet you reach home will be like 12++ already lo..xD

Somehow, it feels like things are getting more complicated sooner or later..and I've really been wondering..are "they" still together? oh man..*sigh* but well, things seems to be happier and fun recently as compare to those days when I'm attached. But sometimes, I really do get JEALOUS when i see couples together on the street kissing and hugging..aww..*grins* but I would just laugh and face the floor =x Great singapore sales is ending tomorrow..oh well..anyway I dun have any money to spend as well..

Today, my aunt suddenly came to me and requested me to be her model for saturday. She is currently learning bridal makeup and hair-do, so next saturday will be her exams. heex. But there will be a practice as well, and that is on tuesday. I'm so gonna be her guinea pig..but oh well, it's gonna be fun anyway =D

cheers! hope everyone is happy out there..hope nothing bad happens for any of you alright..=) *peace* ^^v

Funny people

2008-07-16T03:06:00.000+08:00

Yesterday already very late, so din blog much, but today tell you all wad happen yesterday when i go out. Went out with the guy "who confessed", den keep can't find his sister, supposed to meet her but she just love to run about.haha! In the end she was eating at bugis street there..nid walk so far.. She's such a friendly sister ya know..at first din really talk to her..coz I'm afriad she would be like "some1's" sister. But when i talk to that guy, she oso joined in den we start a very lively conversation..so 幸福 ne? we keep laughing de..den the whole restaurant our laughter..and his ringtone hor..is REALLY LOUD!

met that couple,which is his fren..帅哥and美女lei!! both look like taiwanese..haha..but I dun understand anything they talking norhs..and that 美女 de slippers is dam kawaii de norhs.. is those furry de watermelon slipper..sugoi kawaii!! heard that she got octopus,mushroom,watermelon and alot alot lo..she also very cute de lo..hahaha!

Ooo ytd he wanted send me home derr..lucky nv..haha..anyway when he wanted send me to city hall mrt,we got lost, so i took 700A home..When walking, Our arms got bua each other..is i accidentally walk too close to him or he accidentally touch tio me lei? or maybe I think too much le..haha..but then..I dowan history to repeat itself..so..sorry boy..I dowan the same tragedy to happen..=(

CA lesson is really boring..-.- anyway..will blog when i reach home and get some time..or maybe thats the end for today unless there's story on the way home..=) ja-ne ^.^

Slack.

2008-07-15T12:24:00.000+08:00

Today will be the 2nd slackest day of all the weekdays apart of wednesday =) most importantly, I'm done with my understanding relationship assignment..^^ isn't this great? Today I'm going out with my tuition teacher..wonder where will she wanna go..=D and really do hope my advertisement is coming out fast..and besides that, when am I going to get my pay?!! T_T Class scandals are getting more and more..majiam they really bored liddis..hahahaha.today most ppl wear until quite nice. Benji wanna go sis graduation, aaron dunno wan go whr, ron oso dunno, i wan go orchard, the rest not bad narhs..

ok..I'm starting with 恶作剧二吻。It's like dam funny and I'm really luving it. haha. Btw, is CounterStrike really that fun? =.= (I'll continue when i reach home at nite around 9pm =x stay tuned..)

10:22pm
I'm back..=) lalala..sry arhs..went out a bit lata den expected..^^ met 4 new ppl today..haha..well..did many many cam whoring for the whole lesson of PMR..=x die liao lo..tml test. dun even know how to do since I paid more attention cam whoring..=x

Anyway, Kaori-san from FSA finally sms me..though it's not about my pay, neither is about my advertisement, but he gave me the company's casting URL, my user ID and my password..haha..so cool!! den i went in to see.. thought can see my photos, but..chey!! is like forum to let us find job..=x but their job is all about acting,modelling so and so blah..omg..dam cool..after poly come out i wanna go try work..haha..but most is 1 year or so de..gt 1 is bout full time actress and artists(1 yr). got 1 more is about dunno what food TV advertisement..omg..haha!

anyway, photos went out quite well, just that the quality sux..=x wanna see?

funny rites..=x i see this photo over and over will make me super happy de..^^
circle circle..
see benji formal..=x
lol..aaron funny face..xD
yansheng keep say "我在忙"den he keep cant see screen coz camera in front..haha!

jie~
secretly take de..=x but in the end i think teacher wan take with me i dowan..=x

幸福的感觉。。ne?
see le will happi?
some random pic jie take..

me,benji,jie
lol lianhuang 真会耍宝^^
desmond,me,ron,jie.
sweet sweet orh.
like couple?=x

these photos very sweet ne?
-.- i dun even noe y u all wan put the number "3" sign..

lol..act cool..=x

Addiction

2008-07-13T14:20:00.000+08:00

Yesterday night had ice skating. Had some fun telling cold jokes. It's like the whole rink heard my joke..and they gave me that face (=.=) den laugh den skate away T__T hahahaha. My bag was heavy and heng got bro come fetch me.

today will be the most boring day of the week..tuition!!ok..tuition might be of some fun coz me and teacher gd fren liao..o ya btw, I'm definitely addicted to my DS!! the drum game is like so fun..gt many gold awards..haas! today no photo to upload. so maybe i'll just upload some photos that was took ytd.=) enjoy!

Ponteng~

2008-07-12T05:35:00.000+08:00

lol.. today woke up by my mum's phone call, i am late for school! but it's ok..decided to ponteng for the 2 whole class coz my stomach hurts. Finally get 9 hours of slp. 1 week 3 tyms..Thurs,Fri and Sat!!hahaha..but though today slp 9 hours liao, i dunno y still keep yawning.

It's not I dowan go watch movie with you guys. But just that I think for very long, until today morning i still dowan go ice skate. But since i choose this CCA, then must go what. Lata those skating people thought I take card already then dowan come. Sometimes really very troublesome la.. If today no meeting, i sure go out with you guys de..sry sry..

My class always a lot scandals de..be it in volleyball, my class itself, or even when we talk to a guy/gal. Den can hear every1 say "ohhh~together lo~" or "laogong~/laopo~" haha..but very fun norhs.

Yesterday Circuit Analysis teacher like change liao sia! 1st time in Ngee Ann year 2 saw him smile!!though i this semester den saw him la..=x but hor..he laugh means he happy, he happy means we safe lei!!hahaha..but he like cant change his habit of "tsk-ing". But now better already la..he even tap Aaron to encourage him to continue lei!!he even teach Han Jun and, Shi Sheng how to do..oh ya..and wanna guide aaron to the "correct path". LOL! getting to "like" him. Not that type though..^.^ But shall see how long his "IMPROVED" impression last..=D

Yawns

2008-07-10T23:18:00.000+08:00

I'm definitely very tired now. T_T I woke up like 6.25am everyday and I think very soon, I gonna be dead. I cant even open my eyes this morning. Can I just skip classes and sleep at home? x_x Today during break a bit isolated coz i was sitting at the far end. But somehow i heard that group of guys talking. The funniest thing is when Yansheng say "Casio", thats the clearest word i heard. Then i heard Benji shout "Kiosk la!"..hahaha. When I think over, almost every English word Yansheng say always were pronounced wrongly. Like "continued", pronounce as "continue-ded".

6.00pm
I'm back home =] it's raining so heavily now. Luckily I've already reached home..haha! When i was coming back, ran into weird stuffs ONCE AGAIN! haha. I saw those bangala construction worker taking their construction "so-called camera" film me!! omg..I thought that wasn't a camera though, but it somehow follow me all the way. That bangala merely keep turning it to follow me, the camera was stagnant though, only the focus was following. Until i disappear out of sight, i glance back secretly then the bangala already went to do his own stuffs and turn back his "camera". =/

After that, when i reach my house downstairs, I saw 3 or 4 hunks sitting at the swimming pool. aww.haha! But only glance through, so I only saw fit bodies but never see the face. =x

This is the photos for today:

wootz! Aaron's photo is out!
The pink spoon I kope from atrium. kirei ne?
Canteen 4!!
Still the same scandal as previous post..-.-

A bit unhappy during break though. I guess he's a bit angry, but the way he snatch my phone, i really cant stand it.

Love still goes round

2008-07-10T12:42:00.000+08:00

Tadaima!! =] today teacher was late but it's ok..spent time with my DS, but in the end,aaron took it to play. Yansheng keep saying the game "rojak" but ended up he oso wanna play..haha xD

Met 3 new people today..ok..we're friends now yippee! had a super great time today..mood not bad. IS module was interesting and when i saw that video that actually in other countries they had this "laughing club". It was kind of silly to laugh out of no where, making funny faces. But also kind of interesting and it made me laugh too! ^.^ from now onwards, i'm gonna be like them..haha..

Should I go out for a movie with him? or should i not?I told him i've no money(which is true). I feel that i should understand him more. Is he the one?(though there's no feeling for him now).

Jolene said that T2F2 was interesting..yeah..agreed with her..though sometimes their mouth can be evil too and anyhow "suan" ppl..haha..but overall, yeah..not bad..=]

well..here are the photos for the past few weeks..=]

Me and uncle ben studio shot..xD

Actually i dun love k-ster..very little songs=/
Careful of shoe stealers. The picture above shows how unaware i am when they took it!
ITADAKIMASU!
Scandal of the day T__T

wads this show name call ar?O.o!死神的秘密。izzit ar?wadeva..

Me and Aaron at B.K. Do we look somewhat similar?Oo

kawaii!!!deshou?

wow..long long time ago..go eat pizza during brk.